Cut avocados in half and remove pits. Scoop the avocado out of the shell using a spoon. (See notes below for important avocado cutting safety information)
Mash avocados (I just used my KitchenAid stand mixer with the flat beater).
Stir in the remaining ingredients. Cover with plastic wrap pressed tightly against the guacamole with no air bubbles if not serving immediately, and transfer to refrigerator.
Be careful with the avocado + knife situation. For the love of everything, just leave them on the cutting board and don’t try to cut them while holding them, and don’t whack your knife into the pit while holding them either!